WATCH: 911 Operators Share The Most Ridiculous Calls They’ve Ever Had To Take…

A few years ago, I got hit by a bus while waiting at a red light in the left turn lane. I was shocked that the bus driver even stopped now that I think about it. The rear end of my car was banged up pretty bad and my wife was complaining about her neck.

As it turned out she ended up fine, but when you combine getting hit by a bus and neck pain I would say that it’s time to call an ambulance. Which meant dialing 911. First of all, I was happy that I was able to get cell reception that day. Second, when I said the words hit by a bus they said that they would have someone out their as soon as possible. Within five minutes someone was there to check on my wife.

Now, that is a time to call 911; when you’ve been hit by a bus. That being said… EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT YOU DON’T CALL 911 UNLESS YOU’VE GOT AN EMERGENCY…RIGHT?

Well, not quite, because as you can see from this funny if not infuriatingly dumb list of unbelievable calls that 911 operators have received, some people have a pretty bizarre idea of what exactly constitutes an emergency.

From the woman who thought her washing machine was possessed by the devil to the person who urgently needed to know whether it was legal for them to own a monkey, the calls below will make you laugh, and maybe cry a little, when you realize just how dumb some people can be.

#1

Not an operator, but my boyfriend who called in.
He usually worked a late shift, walking home about 2 am. This shift he got off work a few hours late…

BF: I’d like to call and report a fire. [We live in a fire prone area and it was the season.]
911: Where is it located sir?
BF: On the hillside just East of [City].
911: Can you be more specific? [Typing away in the background.]
BF: Yes, [gives a more detailed location]. Oh god, it’s getting bigger! The whole top of the hill is on fire now!
911: Stay calm sir, we’re sending somebody out.
BF: It’s getting bigger! Doesn’t anybody else see this?! It’s lighting up the sky around it…it’s huge! Oh god! Oh…oh, wait…

911: Sir?
BF: I am SO sorry…I’m not usually out this time of night, I just got off work late…that’s, that’s the sun…
911: …
BF: I am so, so sorry for wasting your time, there is no fire, that’s just the sun rising. Never mind. I’m really embarrassed…
911: That’s fine, Sir. I will cancel the call, thank you for calling.

#2

Had another woman call saying her cat was stuck in a tree. I just knew she wanted the fire department to come save the cat, so I got my “that’s only in movies/TV” speech ready. Then she said “…so my husband climbed up to get the cat and now he’s stuck too.”

#3

A quite pregnant (don’t remember exactly how far along, but definitely past 30 weeks) woman calls to say that her doctor told her to refrain from having sex for the rest of the pregnancy and she didn’t understand why. I looked at her file, and saw she was having pre-term contractions, so I explained that sexual activity can cause contractions, so it was safer to abstain so the baby could stay inside as long as possible.

She tearfully exclaims, “But how will I feed the baby?!?”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, could you repeat that?”
Patient: “How will I feed the baby if I can’t have sex?!?”

 The patient was convinced that her baby was living off of her boyfriend’s semen, and that it would starve if they stopped having sex. I explained about the umbilical cord, etc. but she refused to believe me until I asked her about single moms, lesbian moms, etc. and asked how she though their babies fed and grew. After a moment of silence, she thanked me, and started to hang up the phone, but not before I heard her screaming her boyfriends name.

That man had a good thing going for a while there. I honestly wasn’t sure if I felt more sorry for him, or a baby growing up in that household.

Hilarious! Need more?