RONALD MCDONALD Forced To Make Statement On James Comey’s Future!
THE FOLLOWING IS A WORK OF SATIRE: James Comey, the disgraced former FBI director has been having a rough go of it since being ousted by President Donald Trump earlier in the year. He has been what some would call, practically unhireable.
Unfortunately for Comey, it seems that he is going to have to make the payoff that he received from The Clinton Foundation last a little bit longer than he might have expected.
Speaking at a press conference from their United States Headquarters, McDonald’s figurehead Ronald McDonald was forced to make the following statement regarding James Comey’s potential employment in the company.
“I would like to address the rumors that James Comey has been accepted for a position with the McDonald’s corporation in an executive role. This is a complete and total falsehood and anyone who believes that we would rather have you eating at Burger King.”
The decades old promotional tool continued, “Furthermore, I would like to squash any rumors that he is taking any sort of position with the company period. Now, I know that any of you that have been to a McDonald’s recently might have noticed that our hiring standards might be a little bit low; but come on…there’s got to be a limit somewhere. For starters, you wouldn’t be able to put him in a managerial position where he was in charge of keeping any of the rank and file in line. If you can go on television and say that Hillary Clinton committed a crime but you aren’t not charging her with anything, how can I or the rest of the brass here at McDonald’s trust him to write up some pimply faced teenager for being a half hour late because he was out late watching the new Star Wars movie?”
In off camera comments Ronald was quoted as saying that if James would like to have a shot at a position within the corporation he would might allow him to work the grill part time, with the caveat that he not go anywhere near the cash registers and that the position be at a McDonald’s location at a small town in Michigan where it might be easier to keep an eye on him.